


A start- at last-

by Ser_Renity



Series: Final Arc [5]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, F/F, Fix-It, Gen, Harribel POV, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7979758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ser_Renity/pseuds/Ser_Renity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>//goes with "-and a beginning."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A start- at last-

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't plan on writing a series on all my girls who deserved better but it happened somehow and I am not complaining
> 
> this is the first part, can be seen in whatever verse you want it to be but I consider it sorta part of my Ricochet-verse or at least the flashback part of it
> 
> man im really tired and this is me crying about harribel

* * *

 

 

Hueco Mundo was less than kind to its inhabitants.

  
While you were wandering its endless expanses you found many words to describe it- a hell, a prison, a barren wasteland. In those days it was Barragan who lorded over the desert and he never stopped asking for your immediate surrender. Sure, there was a crown on his head- but he and all the other men who tried to rule over Hueco Mundo never truly understood what it was, what it needed.

  
“Who are you?” Mila Rose asked you when you came across her, a gigantic cat panting with exhaustion after being chased around.

  
You remembered all too well what it felt like to be on the bottom of the food chain, to have all those giants drooling for your flesh, your very soul.

  
“My name is Harribel,” you told her, “I can keep you safe if you join me.”

  
It was a decision made in a split second; maybe there were things better suited for someone who wanted to stay alive. The craving for survival was what made you Hollow- not one of your human souls ever felt this need.

  
You wanted to be different from the first time your mind became your own again, you wanted to change it around as soon as you knew your own name.

  
So you traveled and saved three weaker Adjuchas, made them your family and protected them with your life.

  
Aizen happened. You rarely spared him a thought.

  
When he slashed you in two you fell into the ruins of the human city, hit the ground with a crunch. It barely hurt. After centuries in Hueco Mundo this was nothing at all.

  
However, even if the adrenaline kept you from screaming in pain you knew you were done for. This was it- that feeling of fading, the pulse stuttering against your eardrums. Your veins never shut up, not with you among the rubble and your blood splashed all over the ground.

  
Sweat ran down your face. Your fingernails scratched across concrete. Away, away.

  
Fear was a good thing, not a weakness. Fear kept you sharp and agile, made sure you did not underestimate a single foe. It was anger that had driven you to the brink of defeat, the thirst for revenge. Not even with a power inside you as cold as ice could you save yourself from those miscalculations.

  
The city smelled like fire. Around you the others were dead and dying.

  
“You will never have to be afraid again,” Aizen said, “You will know no fear.”

  
No one trusted him, no one truly believed his lies. There was that desperation and hope that came with being offered power in the same breath as you were being enslaved- you still never counted as a person in the eyes of those shinigami.

  
“They see us as they see the dust on their windows,” you explained to Sung-Sun once as she was younger and more impulsive, “A nuisance. Others see the evil in our nature and decide to pass judgment before we strike.”

  
“I just want to live,” Apacci admitted to you once, curled into your side with her head tucked under her front legs, “I just want to live, goddamnit.”

  
It broke your heart then and it stole your breath now- the memory of them, defeated, in the remains of a human town. They looked so small, so much less alive than they should.

  
Of course you had killed before and in this moment you wished you had taken more of the shinigami down with you; you never claimed to be a saint. So even if your precious fracciónes urged you to take up a crown you knew it wasn’t your place.

  
Hueco Mundo called for you like it did for all the others- you never wanted to be above them. It was there, in your soul, besides the endless well of strength- the will to protect your own.

  
Your Bestias were dead now and you would join them soon. It was a disillusioned kind of thinking. Who were you going to fool? There was a war in the air and a battlefield all around you. It was over.

  
They had won. The shinigami had won- in the form of the Soul Society or Aizen- who even cared which one it was by now- always at the expense of those Hollows they didn’t see as equals.

  
So you lay your head to rest and closed your eyes. You were drowning again, always drowning. Suffocating; a sacrifice.

 

* * *

 

 

When you opened your eyes and saw the light of day again you were sure it was a dream. After all, you had died before- this was not was the desert felt like.

  
“Oh, you’re waking up!” a voice said so very close to your ear, “I am so glad, you were not responding for a while.”

  
You looked up and there she was, the most human of girls with a kind smile and hair as orange as- as nothing you had ever seen before; it was not a color native to Hueco Mundo.

  
You remembered her, though, as the one Aizen took captive.

  
“I’m not quite done yet so please stay still for another minute!” she said and suddenly her power swept over you, warm and overwhelming. It all glowed, everything around you. Alive.

  
“What is your name?” you asked and barely felt your lips as you moved them.

  
Your voice was rough but the girl understood, smiled even wider as her brows knitted together in concentration.

  
“Orihime,” she said, “And you are Harribel, right? It is nice to meet you.”

  
There was nothing else to be said- because what could you say to a human you barged into your life and healed you without a second thought, so clearly didn’t see you as inferior-

  
“Thank you,” you said and tried to smile as well; failed.

  
Orihime squeezed your shoulder. Even with your life-long expertise of spotting pity and hidden mistrust you found nothing to fear in her expression, not a single thing that gave her away. Maybe there was nothing behind the kind facade, maybe it wasn’t a facade at all.

  
She smiled at you again and her power extended around you even more- mended all that someone dared to break.

  
“It is good to see you outside of captivity,” you said and expressed a thought you had since she was dragged to your castle, “What do you want in return for healing me?”

  
Orihime seemed surprised, her eye wide and naive- no, nothing about her kindness was child-like. Her presence was warm, too, but still a little unsure around the edges.

  
“Oh, I don’t want you to do anything,” she said and tapped her finger against her bottom lip, “Although I think it would be good if you didn’t go to war with the Soul Society anymore.”

_It would be good._

  
You laughed despite yourself, just a small quiet chuckle but still more than you had been able to in a long while.

  
“I make no promises,” you said, “But I have no desire for war.”

 

* * *

 

 

You and your fracciónes made it back to Hueco Mundo only due to the kindness of one human girl; someone so much less judgmental and power-hungry than any of the ones who dared to keep you in chains.

 

* * *

 

 

The Quincy emperor took you by surprise and your kingdom with you.

  
Orihime was with the ones who came to rescue you only to find you had broken your chains and ascended your throne- you saw her and her smile, felt just a little less exhausted.

 

* * *

 

 

Things changed, were always bound to. It was what the world was like- down to its very nature. You watched the sky as it turned red and then dark and then bright again- a moon and a sun and the stars.

  
Hueco Mundo recovered. So did you.

 

* * *

 

 

“You should come with us some time,” Nelliel said to you, her smile slightly bashful and her hand twirling empty gestures close to her shoulder, “Y’know, to the human world. You would like it, I bet. It helps me relax a lot when I can’t stop thinking about the war.”

  
One thing she was very good at was pointing out your weaknesses- gently and only ever with your well-being in mind. She never once challenged you for the crown although you had once held the same useless rank in Aizen’s army. She saw you as family and it took you off guard entirely- you didn’t know how to be quite as warm as her and it showed in all your interactions. Accepting your faults was more difficult than pretending to be strong at all times.

  
“I will give it some thought,” you said and didn’t quite know how not to make that sound like a cheap excuse. You wanted to, really, you wanted to be part of the family Nelliel chose the remaining Arrancar to be.

  
However, you had always been better at protecting others than showing your love for them. A heart of stone, Barragan used to say, the queen of thorns.

  
You didn’t want to be stone, not anymore, but the call of Hueco Mundo was so, so strong.

 

* * *

 

 

“I care about you,” you managed to say to your fracciónes at one point, choppy words said with bated breath.

  
Mila Rose raised her eyebrows, quiet. You didn’t know if you were embarrassed or mortified at this one thing you didn’t know how to do-

  
but then she smiled and so did the others.

  
“We know,” Apacci said, “Words aren’t all that counts, y’know.”

 

* * *

 

 

The first time you went to the human world you expected it to go horribly wrong. What else could there be in hope if not ruin?

  
The shinigami warrior with the powers of thunder waved at you as you stepped out of the Garganta alongside Nelliel.

  
“Hi, I’m here because Orihime asked me to give you some short-term gigai we have been developing for a bit,” she said and grinned, “The queen of Hueco Mundo, huh? A real celebrity.”

  
She winked at you as she handed you a ring, urging you to slip it on your finger. Then she was gone in a flash, as quickly as she had appeared.

  
“Don’t worry,” Nel said cheerfully as she saw your expression, “Yoruichi is very protective of us out here. She trained me for a while back in the Soul King’s palace and I think she got attached.”

  
You could relate to that- your overpowering wish to help and keep all women safe-

  
or rather, not only them. You looked at Nel with her blinding smile and those ram horns of her hidden underneath a strange human garment.

  
“I’m genderfluid,” she told you one day a while back, still in the desert, “So yeah, not always a girl. I’d really appreciate it if you kept that in mind.”

  
You did. At first you had trouble understand what exactly she meant but she liked explaining things- she had a knack for never making it seem like a chore, either.

  
Your fracciónes loved her just as much- accepted her into the small group of Arrancar around Las Noches’ remains quickly. There weren’t many others left- Grimmjow, grumpy but growing more sociable by the minute; Cirucci, scarred by her experiences in the war but recovering, and two of Aizen’s most loyal servants, Loly and Menoly who now shook at the mere mention of their former ruler’s name.

  
“Let’s go,” Nelliel said to you, “I want you to meet my friends.”

  
So you went, still a Hollow, still never quite as full of love as you wanted to be.

  
But you were learning, at your own pace.

 

* * *

 


End file.
